Little Red Slut

A HUNTSMAN, A HONEY TRAP, AND ONE HUNGRY WOLF

Police responded Thursday to a 911 call placed from the home of the widowed grandmother living alone in the woods outside the village. A man, identifying himself as a huntsman, claimed to have happened upon the cabin after hearing screams in the distance, arriving to find a large wolf alone inside. He then allegedly questioned the wolf, soon discovering it had eaten the cabin’s owner, along with her twelve-year-old granddaughter. The man claimed the wolf then attacked, forcing him to act in his own defense. He sliced at the wolf with a nearby axe, splitting open its belly, causing it to retreat to the rear bedroom, presumably to die.

Why a huntsman would be otherwise unarmed already had authorities suspicious, and what was soon revealed was an entirely different course of events, and nothing short of a miracle.

When police arrived at the scene, they found that not only had the wolf survived its injuries, bleeding quietly in the corner, hopeful as the distant sirens drew ever closer, but that its would-be victims, both of whom it had managed to swallow whole, lay in the middle of the floor, unconscious, but very much alive. It was at this point the “huntsman,” having mistakenly assumed both that the wolf had expired and that the two females were long dead, broke down and confessed.

The cabin’s owner is a former lover, he explained. Some time ago, she had broken off their relationship in a desire to, quote, “simplify things.” It wasn’t until recently that he discovered her whereabouts, at which point he hired the girl—actually a twenty-three-year-old prostitute identified simply as Red—to lure the wolf to the cabin where, unbeknownst to her, he would most likely eat them both. He then planned to dispatch the wolf, his only remaining loose end, and come out looking like the hero who had simply arrived too late.

Charges have not yet been filed against the wolf, who remains in custody while under intensive care. The so-called huntsman, whose name has not yet been released, has been charged with two counts of first-degree attempted murder, and will likely face back-to-back life sentences.